Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Working mom!

Well, I made it! I survived my first two days back at work after a glorious year off watching my itty bitty baby become a toddler. Surprisingly, it hasn't been as heartbreaking as I had thought it would be. Julian is having lots of fun with grandma and grandpa (and his auntie Libby who has been one vacation too)! And grandma, well she's a little tired ;0)

I haven't been blogging much these past few days...mostly because I've been holding Julian really close and trying hard to swallow the lump in my throat. I tried to take it all in last week. So not much blogging and practically no knitting. Julian was caught in my embrace since mid-last week and frankly didn't know what hit him ;0)

I woke up every hour on Sunday night convinced that I was late for work. I wasn't. When 5:30am finally came, I tiptoed to the bathroom while everyone was still asleep and got myself all ready. It was actually kind of fun to have a place to be and to have to go by a clock! I said good-bye to everyone though they were still very sleepy. Stephen had the day off yesterday so spent the morning with Jujube and then brought him to grandma's in the afternoon to "practice."

I had been doing super well until then, but kissing my little boy goodbye on Monday was really hard. I tried hard not to cry in front of him and made it out the front door bfore I started sobbing. Something about standing there all alone on the porch with high heels, a purse and my laptop bag, felt so final. I took a deep breath and locked the door, something I haven't done while standing alone on the porch in over a year. When I turned around to go down the steps, it felt weird to not have to carry a stroller or adjust a diaper bag on my shoulder.

I walked to the train, crying the whole way, got on and pulled myself together. Afterall, I was wearing mascara and had only brought 2 tissues with me. Plus everyone was staring at me and I felt really self conscious so I sucked it in and managed to keep my composure for the rest of the day. Except of course when my work friends would tilt their heads and ask if it was hard to leave him that morning, that got the water works going everytime. But mostly it was okay.

I only called once or twice to check up on everyone. It was a busy day back. My beloved (and much looked up to) boss left the company on really weird terms during my leave, so I came back to a new group, a new role, a new boss and even a new building! A new colleague has been showing me the ropes and taking me through my new assignment. She's been really great which makes the transition easier, but it was hard without Buzz, my former boss, there. That adjustment was probably as hard as being away from my baby.

I can't even tell you how great my former boss was. Really, he has been a mentor and father figure to me and really took me under his wing and showed me how to be the professional that I have become. I feel like I owe him my professional success and everything that that has meant for Stephen and I as we were planning our wedding and our financial future together. Buzz was there advising us every step of the way (proud as all get out like a dad, too ;0) . I heart that man and will miss him lots. Good thing his new office is just a few blocks away and we'll still get to lunch together every once in a while.

Anyhow, Stephen and Julian came to pick me up from work on my first day and we all went to the jazzfest together. It was around 9:30pm when we got home again and Julian and I fell asleep as soon as our weary heads hit the pillow. We were pooped. Today was easier. No crying at all. Not even Julian! And when we came home, Julian was thrilled to see us. He kept going back and forth wanting to be with mommy...and daddy...no, mommy...no, daddy all while clapping an squealing with delight the whole time. It's a really nice welcome home at the end of the day.

I think everything will be alright afterall. Now if only I can figure out when to get the knittin' and bloggin' in, I'll be golden.


PS - I may be blogging more sporadically as I adjust to my new reality and I hope you'll forgive me and continue to drop by every once in a while. I've grown to really appreiciate your support...plus no one cares about knitting like you do, and it's nice to exchange with people who "get it." I may not get to comment on everyone's cool new projects as much as I want to and I hope you'll understand that too... I will keep reading though ;0)


  1. Yay! You did it! The first week is the hardest, but you're halfway there.

    And don't worry, most jobs have plenty of downtime for blogging, and the train gives alot of time for knitting. Plus as you adjust to your schedule, you won't be as tired at night and will get some knitting in then.

    As far as the most important part -- Julian -- you have THE best possible situation in terms of daycare. He has his beloved grandparents! Both my parents worked when I was little, but since they spent every single free minute with me and my brother when they WEREN'T working, I never felt deprived at all.

  2. Anonymous12:25 a.m.

    It is great that you are able to leave little Julian with Grandma and Grandpa--the best babysitting service available :). They will take care of him and spoil him, plus he will bond even closer to them by spending more time with them.

    Leaving for work will get easier with time :). And it is ok that you had the water works going, it is a good sign :).

    I had the water works going on my little one's first sleepover...cried for a good 2 hours, hehehehe.

    Good luck at work.

  3. I know how you feel - going back to work after being home for so long. Glad you made it through the day and Julian is adjusting well with Grandma and Grandpa. My mother in law watched both my kids until they went to JK and it was such peace of mind knowing I didn't have to worry about my girls. They were safe and sound at home with my MIL. We are quite lucky, eh?

    I am sure you will get into a good routine once you are settled into your new work/family/life situation.

    Good luck.

  4. Anny,

    I really felt for you reading about returning to work. I can only imagine how you feel because I haven't ever worked since having kids, but I know how it feels to leave them at school or for me to go away for a few days. Seems like you're handling it well and Julian still has a great family that loves him...he's very blessed.

    We are moving tomorrow and since the good byes are said I'm really anxious to get to the new place. I've also done zero knitting and precious little blogging.

    Seems like there was something else I wanted to comment about, but I can't remember what it was! Maybe I'll have to add it later.

    Take care. I'll be in touch.

  5. Anonymous9:40 a.m.

    Dear Anny, congratulations on your first days back... I know it's hard, feeling torn between your smiling toddler and your rewarding job... not an easy adjustment! Hang in there, I know you can do it and do it well! I am sure going back to the work scene must feel pretty weird, especially with Buzz gone... big changes in that big company, eh? I dread returning to work a bit because of that... Everytime I speak to a colleague, they announce more departures or reorg! Anyway, all in it's time, i guess... Until we meet again (if you're at 87, we should see each other more often, I'll be back in late October...)take care! and I hope you keep up your blog, even if only sporadically, I love reading your thoughts!

  6. In just a little time you'll be on your new schedule and right up to speed. You are most fortunate to have grand parents looking after Julian. Makes the transition easier for him, altho he'll miss you at times he's with people he knows & loves. Ah alas, there be many times that you'll wish you were at home instead anyway, but life will be good ....

  7. I started getting teary eyed for you when I was reading. But you are a strong woman, you survived your first day back and you'll keep on doing well. :) Good for you! I've been at home with my kids for 4 1/2 years. I never went back to work ... I couldn't imagine leaving them now. Eeeep.

    I hope the adjustment to the new working environment goes smoothly. And hopefully you'll see your old boss very soon for a lunch date. :)

  8. Wow you coped so amazingly well for your first day without bubs. I think I worried for about 1 week or 2 when my son was a baby, and after that it does get easier. Your first is always the hardest I think, even though I did not go back to work with the second one. I think you are so lucky though to have your parents to look after him instead of a carer. It is great for kids to grow up around older people and respect their ways too. I think it teaches them a lot as well. Good luck for the rest of the week, it does get easier.

  9. My heart fluttered and my eyes watered reading your entry tonight. Even though my son is 29 I recall as if it were yesterday the day I had to return to work. I nearly died leaving him. It sounds as though you handled it better than I did. My mother in law also kept him. I was blessed with a wonderful mother in law. She takes a lot of credit for molding him into the wonderful young man that he is today. It sounds as though you have a wonderful and caring support system too. God bless you and your little one.

  10. Congrats, you got through it! It'll get easier though I hope...

  11. wow, anny - you're an inspiration! how difficult it must have been and look how resilient little julian is! we should all take some lessons from our children, don't you think. i hope the transitions continue to go well and that you are enjoying your new roles.

  12. Congratulations! My cousin worked and is now a SAHM. She told me she misses how much she appreciated her time with her kids when she worked. She would put off housework, etc to be with her kids and now she doesn't because she feels like she is falling down on her "job". Pros and cons to everything in life, I suppose.

  13. I understand completely and will keep reading whenever you get a chance to post!