Sunday, January 01, 2006

3...2...1...

Happy New Year everyone! May the joy of the season stay with you throughout the new year. Good health, love and happiness to all ;0)

I'm going to look back fondly on 2005. It's only been a few hours since it set and yet just the thought of it brings forth a smile I can't suppress.
I was 3 months pregnant this time last year, and all of the first trimester symptoms were beginning to fade. My belly was beginning to show and I got to listen to my baby's heartbeat for the first time. My husband began to settle into a new job, a better job where his talents were not being over-looked. In the evenings, he dutifully made me pastrami sandwiches on toast with a scrape of mustard and watched poker on the telly with me, stroking my hair until I fell asleep.

I got to wear flattering clothes with elastic waists and lots of tummy room. I didn't need to worry about my weight (a great perk of pregnancy). I day-dreamed a lot about motherhood and baby names and nursery colours and which playpen is the best suited to our family room! Work was an absolute joy...there is something about knowing you'll be getting a year off that makes you really enjoy your time at the office leading up to it. My colleagues were so amazing and supportive. Even my boss had loads of advice. He told me my new boss (the little bundle of joy) would be much more demanding and not quite as understanding and while he was right, my new boss is also pretty cool ;0)

I was so worried in my last few days at the office that I would be lonely at home and that I would feel less accomplished somehow. I think I cried about it every night. I knew I would miss my colleagues, who happen to be my best friends, terribly. I feared that if I wasn't an Associate Director of Corporate Research, I wouldn't know who I was anymore. I was going to miss taking the train home with my husband every night. I was going to miss the chickpea salad and the salmon pie at that place downstairs in my building. I really loved my life and was so defined by what I did that I thought I would lose myself if I didn't do all those things everyday.

Then, on June 25th, our son was born and our lives changed forever. Everything they say about it is true. I used to joke around when I was pregnant that my husband and I had a love so great that we needed to create another person to contain it! The irony is that when our little Jujube was born my love for everything in this world grew exponentially. Suddenly life was sweeter, my capacity for joy was greater, my ability to relate to others was deepened, the universe started to make sense and my faith was renewed. Not a day has gone by since that I haven't been awed at the wonder of this little being whom we were blessed to bring into the world and thankful that somehow, in some way, this great joy came into our lives.

Of course, there are days when I miss my old life. Being a stay-at-home mom sure has it's countless rewards, but it can also be mind-numbing. Wearing jammies and sweats all day everyday is a treat, but every once in a while I miss getting ready for work. I miss wearing nice clean pressed clothing. I miss wearing a watch and having my day broken down in a predictable way everyday. I miss coffee breaks and catching up with everyone. I miss weekend dates with my honey (we haven't been out together since our son was born!). I look back fondly at life before baby, but I know there is truly nowhere I'd rather be than right here, right now ;0)

2005 was also the year that I picked up knitting again...and though it seems like such a little thing, it also has changed my life in many ways. In the early days of motherhood it was something to pass the time when baby was asleep but it has become self-actualising for me. It is meditative, it brings me a daily opportunity to learn, to day-dream (usually about great wool!), to realise my potential, and to share in a concrete way with those I love and knit for, but also with those I knit with (that's probably you ;0)

Well, it is nearly 6 in the morning on January 1. 2006 and as I write this, the two great loves of my life are snoring next to me in bed. The adrenaline of the evening is wearing thin and I am eager to curl up and join them. So far, 2006 looks very promising.

I hope they let me sleep in really late...

3 comments:

  1. Beautifully said. :) May the best of your past be the worst of your future! Happy New Year.

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  2. I can relate to everything you said. Every word.

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