Well, I made it! I survived my first two days back at work after a glorious year off watching my itty bitty baby become a toddler. Surprisingly, it hasn't been as heartbreaking as I had thought it would be. Julian is having lots of fun with grandma and grandpa (and his auntie Libby who has been one vacation too)! And grandma, well she's a little tired ;0)
I haven't been blogging much these past few days...mostly because I've been holding Julian really close and trying hard to swallow the lump in my throat. I tried to take it all in last week. So not much blogging and practically no knitting. Julian was caught in my embrace since mid-last week and frankly didn't know what hit him ;0)
I woke up every hour on Sunday night convinced that I was late for work. I wasn't. When 5:30am finally came, I tiptoed to the bathroom while everyone was still asleep and got myself all ready. It was actually kind of fun to have a place to be and to have to go by a clock! I said good-bye to everyone though they were still very sleepy. Stephen had the day off yesterday so spent the morning with Jujube and then brought him to grandma's in the afternoon to "practice."
I had been doing super well until then, but kissing my little boy goodbye on Monday was really hard. I tried hard not to cry in front of him and made it out the front door bfore I started sobbing. Something about standing there all alone on the porch with high heels, a purse and my laptop bag, felt so final. I took a deep breath and locked the door, something I haven't done while standing alone on the porch in over a year. When I turned around to go down the steps, it felt weird to not have to carry a stroller or adjust a diaper bag on my shoulder.
I walked to the train, crying the whole way, got on and pulled myself together. Afterall, I was wearing mascara and had only brought 2 tissues with me. Plus everyone was staring at me and I felt really self conscious so I sucked it in and managed to keep my composure for the rest of the day. Except of course when my work friends would tilt their heads and ask if it was hard to leave him that morning, that got the water works going everytime. But mostly it was okay.
I only called once or twice to check up on everyone. It was a busy day back. My beloved (and much looked up to) boss left the company on really weird terms during my leave, so I came back to a new group, a new role, a new boss and even a new building! A new colleague has been showing me the ropes and taking me through my new assignment. She's been really great which makes the transition easier, but it was hard without Buzz, my former boss, there. That adjustment was probably as hard as being away from my baby.
I can't even tell you how great my former boss was. Really, he has been a mentor and father figure to me and really took me under his wing and showed me how to be the professional that I have become. I feel like I owe him my professional success and everything that that has meant for Stephen and I as we were planning our wedding and our financial future together. Buzz was there advising us every step of the way (proud as all get out like a dad, too ;0) . I heart that man and will miss him lots. Good thing his new office is just a few blocks away and we'll still get to lunch together every once in a while.
Anyhow, Stephen and Julian came to pick me up from work on my first day and we all went to the jazzfest together. It was around 9:30pm when we got home again and Julian and I fell asleep as soon as our weary heads hit the pillow. We were pooped. Today was easier. No crying at all. Not even Julian! And when we came home, Julian was thrilled to see us. He kept going back and forth wanting to be with mommy...and daddy...no, mommy...no, daddy all while clapping an squealing with delight the whole time. It's a really nice welcome home at the end of the day.
I think everything will be alright afterall. Now if only I can figure out when to get the knittin' and bloggin' in, I'll be golden.
PS - I may be blogging more sporadically as I adjust to my new reality and I hope you'll forgive me and continue to drop by every once in a while. I've grown to really appreiciate your support...plus no one cares about knitting like you do, and it's nice to exchange with people who "get it." I may not get to comment on everyone's cool new projects as much as I want to and I hope you'll understand that too... I will keep reading though ;0)